It's going to be 7 chapters!

Finally, I have made an effort to meet my SV after 4-long-months of delaying. I long for this meeting as I have few things to discuss but I wanted to show him something before I actually meet him i.e. I was planning to finish chapter two – Deliberate self-harm in Malaysia: A review of literature. But, since I could not finish it on the dateline set by my own, I decided to meet him and submit that chapter later on. The fact is I was having difficulty in prioritizing which tasks to do first as it seems all important to me at this moment. I am really pleased that we have come to an agreement in regards to my thesis outlines, in which, seven chapters to work for. Three of them are from my three different studies, two for the reviews, and another two for the introduction and conclusion. When we have come to this agreement, the writing part is hoping to get easier.

My SV, Chris is quite happy with the novelty of this outline contents as well and amends it a little bit by adding some sub-topics to it. It’s perfect to me at least for now. And now I need to put some efforts in writing part as we have a great plan ahead. I told him that I wanted to publish at least one paper while completing my PhD. He was very supportive saying that he could help me with this and adding that the first step that I need to do is try to analyze my partial data that I have for my main study – The effects of implementation intentions interventions for patients with deliberate self-harm admitted in hospital. This meeting went on very well and I never felt so much comfort talking to him like this before. I just realized that he has been very helpful and encouraging in dealing with a poor-time-management-student like me.

Mode serabut..

Hmm..2011 dh masuk minggu ke 2 tp kerja nampak mcm x jalan lagi..adus..tgh berkira2 dan berplanning2 macam2 benda..nk buat planning study utk tahun ni - nakgi conference, nk mohon extend ngan kkm, nk extend visa, writing blablabla..sambil2 tu kena jugak buat planning jalan2 utk tahun ni maklum la dh final year, kalo dapat extend pun mungkin sampai awal spring thn depan so tgh berkira2 nk makan angin time summer tahun ni..sana sini sume nk pegi tapi keje belambak dan duit plak tarak..aiyo..dah la tu sume tmpt yg kami plan nkgi kena book by end of this month..tau la elaun nk masuk hujung bln ni tp xkan sekali harung nk bayar sume tu..huh..dan jgk tgh berkira2 mana nk bawak ma & abah yg nk dtg april nanti..cuti keje dh siap2 apply takut nanti org lain book susah plak..tgk kalendar mcm penuh agenda je sampai hujung thn..harap2 seimbang la study n makan angin tu nanti..kalo tak camne nk balik cepat..huhu..

Progress study plak, hmm..tgh finalize contents sub-topic sambil2 dok mengupdate data main study dan juga menantikan data archival study yg blom dpt lagi..nk pegi conference pun most of them mintak submit abstract by feb/march ni..study byk yg blom siap jadi camne nk anta abstract ni. Oh SV ku..lama xjumpa dirimu..asal pikir nk jumpa je seriau..aduhai..tunggu kedatanganku dgn pelbagai soalan ye..hehe

Merindukan tanahair..

Entah kenapa sejak kebelakangan ni terasa rindu yang amat pada tanahair. Terasa ingin segera pulang dan 'settle' di rumah sendiri. Mungkin juga sebab musim sejuk begini aktiviti agak terbatas dan masa banyak dihabiskan utk tidur..arrggghh. Penulisan agak lembap juga dek kerana alasan yang sama *sigh*. Namun semangat sentiasa berkobar-kobar dan yakin bahawa diri sendiri boleh melakukannya dalam tempoh masa yang ditetapkan. Registration dengan universiti tamat pada 31 Disember 2011 namun visa kami tamat lebih awal iaitu pada 30 Oktober 2011. Dua bulan tambahan yang diberikan oleh universiti adalah kerana cuti bersalin yang diambil ketika melahirkan Qais Usaimin tahun lalu. Jadi secara tak langsungnya tempoh 3 tahun di sini akan tamat pada 30 Oktober 2011. Lagi sepuluh bulan..aduh. Kalau diamati chapters yang perlu ditulis tidaklah terasa terlalu banyak. Perbincangan awal dengan supervisor tentang berapa chapters nak ditulis telah menampakkan gambaran yg agak jelas. Mungkin 6 atau 7 chapters sahaja bergantung kepada berapa byk studies yang perlu dilaksanakan. Buat masa ini, 3 studies sedang berlangsung ditambah 1 systematic review (atau literature review?)menjadikan 4 chapters semuanya. Lagi 2 chapters adalah untuk Intro dan jugak conclusion/discussion. Harap2 jumlah chapters ni kekal dan tak perlu untuk membuat study tambahan. Jika keadaan tidak mengizinkan utk selesai dalam tempoh 10 bulan ni, permohonan utk extension perlu dibuat utk tempoh 6 bulan lagi. Jadinya, kami akan berada di bumi sejuk beku ini sehingga April 2012 yang menjadikan tempoh biasiswa yang diberikan ialah 3 tahun setengah. Kalau tak settle jugak kena stay on self support..huhu. Harap2 kami boleh pulang sebelum tempoh itu. Berdoa kepada Tuhan semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. Amin.

Catatan Istanbul & PhD Viva

Dah lama rasanya tidak menjenguk blog sendiri..masa agak terbatas di musim sejuk begini maklum la siang harinya pendek subuh masuk jam 6.10am, syuruk jam 8.15 manakala maghrib pula jam 3.48pm! Terasa sekejap saja masa di school utk membuat kerja2 yang dh bertimbun..malam pula amat susah utk buat kerja apa lagi di rumah di kelilingi oleh anak2 yang mahukan perhatian. Seawal jam 8.30 atau 9.00 malam kami sudah masuk tidur..inilah kelebihan winter..tido yang panjang!

Baru seminggu kembali dari bercuti di Istanbul Turki. Pengalaman berada di Istanbul agak berbeza dengan menjejakkan kaki ke negara orang putih yang lain. Setakat ini kami telah melawat Belgium, Belanda, Jerman dan yang terbaru Turki. Turki kami rasakan yang paling best utk dilawati mungkin kerana tanah Turki pernah didiami oleh para anbiya' dan banyak peninggalan sejarah kebangkitan Islam di sana. Kalau kami ke sana sendirian mungkin perasaan itu tidak sama kerana kami mungkin tidak akan mengetahui sejarah dan latarbelakang sejarah bagi bangunan2 yang kami lawati. Alhamdulillah dengan menggunakan khidmat tour guide Faiz rakyat Malaysia yang sedang belajar di sana membuatkan pengalaman menziarahi Istanbul begitu bermakna sehinggakan kami masih lagi merindukan Istanbul. Benar kata orang bila menziarahi tempat para anbiya' perasaan kita jadi sayu dan hati sentiasa teringat2..kalau ke Mekah apatah lagi..semoga satu hari nanti kami akan dapat menziarahi pula Rumah Allah..Amin.

Seminggu dua ini juga ramai sahabat di Sheffield ini menghadapi Viva..Alhamdulillah ramai di kalangan mereka berjaya memperolehi PhD tidak kiralah dengan minor atau major correction. Yang penting Viva diharungi dengan jayanya dan anugerah PhD telah dapat dipegang. Namun, tak kurang juga yang kurang bernasib baik..perjalanan Viva beliau tidak semudah yang lain, terpaksa mengharungi viva selama 4 jam dan hasilnya tidak dapat dipastikan sehingga supervisor terpaksa masuk campur di dalam urusan tersebut bersama-sama dengan internal dan external examiner. Tidak pasti samada kesilapan memilih external/internal examiner sehinggakan beliau terpaksa melakukan experiment tambahan dan berkemungkinan untuk re-viva! Berat mata memandang...tp tuan punya badan lagi berat menanggung. Itulah perjalanan PhD.. no two PhDs are the same..ada yang bernasib baik mengharungi PhD tanpa sebarang masalah pada pengajian namun diberi dugaan Tuhan dengan ujian sakit, ada pula yang tidak menghadapi masalah di dalam pengajian tetapi diberi ujian kehilangan barang dan harta benda, tidak kurang pula yang bermasalah dengan supervisor yang tidak ambil endah dengan kerja studentnya dan macam2 karenah dan mehnah sepanjang mengharungi PhD..teringat seorang kakak yang telah berjaya memperolehi PhD beliau awal pertengahan tahun yang lalu..beliau telah berkahwin selama 10 tahun namun tidak dikurniakan zuriat namun sebaik menghabiskan PhD dan kembali bertugas di Malaysia beliau disahkan mengandung..Inilah saat manis dan hasil penat lelah yang telah berbayar..alhamdulillah dan tahniah kepada beliau. Diri sendiri? Lagi setahun dan masih banyak yang perlu dilaksanakan. Semoga Allah mempermudahkan segala urusan sehingga ke akhirnya. Amin.

Tips for presenting

I have to admit that I'm kinda person who hate to become the center of attention. I recall my younger days in school when I used to pray every single day for the teachers to ask me questions. This 'routine' I must say keep continues to my both Uni life and career life. Though I knew that it is something that I couldn't avoid but the nervous and low confidence feelings still remain. What I have been practicing so far is reciting Al-Fatihah as many times as I could. It not only grow the confidence level to me but also give me the calm feeling which is, important when you are about to face the audience.

On top of that, these are a few tips that were given by my office mate who is also a post-doc reseacher, Dr Yael, which I think does make sense and doable.

1. Don't start with something that makes people see your weakness because it only gives people the perception that you don't expert your work. As a result of this, the audience will easily capture your mistakes.
2. Your topic is your expertise. Act as you know everything about what you say even though the fact that you don't. Be confident along the way and you'll realized that you've gained mastery over them.
3. It's fine to memorize a few lines from your slides. But don't go for more than 3 or 4 lines because when you go off the rails and forgot the lines then you'll start to stumble and more 'eemmhhh' and 'erkkk' will come out.
4. What else? Forgotten already heh..will update soon.

An Anxious Feeling...

In two months time, I will embark on the beginning of another journey. The final part of being a research student - the final year – a year to get into troubles with all the data, writings and deadlines! Having looked at my 'work' so far makes me anxious as to what have I gained and contributed to my learning process within these 2 years?

I still have a couple of things to be accomplished aside from my longitudinal study i.e. Volitional Help Sheet on self-harmed patients and cross-sectional survey of self-harm in Kuala Lumpur, which will be commenced very soon via online survey. I have to work on systematic review that I owed my SV since last year …..*Sigh* I keep on delaying because fearing that focusing on that will put my head off to my other studies which, also needs my urgency.

By end of the year, I aimed to finish the systematic review, cross-sectional survey and hoping to write and finish the first few chapters. But, first I need to struggle against my procrastination. It’s just too difficult to get rid of this tendency when my brain would only function well and better when the deadline is around the corner! May Allah guide me and strengthen me to stay strong to be able to do all these tasks. Ameen.

Salam Aidilfitri

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dari kami sekeluarga di Sheffield, United Kingdom. Maaf Zahir & Batin.